Have you ever wanted to feel the presence of God so bad, that you were willing to seek him right exactly where you were at the time? Whether it be sitting in a peaceful chair, or walking down a city street, you just had to feel his presence right then and there! Sometimes in those moments, I seek the more inner quiet space within my own soul to wait for Him to appear. I have been in the building with those bright florescent lights and closed my eyes looking up to the ceiling, feeling the warmth of the lights on my face, imaging that warmth, is the warmth and glow of Jesus and His love for me. It is a very peaceful time, almost as if you are sitting outside looking up feeling the warmth of the sunshine on your face, a very tranquil moment. I desire those moments, and find myself spending more time seeking Him out. I realize that it is not necessary for me to have to find some abandoned quiet room to talk to God. He will meet me right where I am at, doing exactly what I am doing at the time.
Looking back on my childhood, I realized that I have always felt that where ever I was, I was a visitor. It is no one in particulars fault, I am not blaming anyone, and maybe it was something inside of me that never felt settled. I know it had to have been me making myself feel this way, because the people in my life always tried to make me feel like I belonged. I remember growing up my dad would tell me that there is nobody in life that will love you more than your family. I guess after my parents divorced, and our family split up, that statement brought confusion as to what my reality appeared to be versus what I was told. My thinking remained that families are a temporary arrangement in time, ever changing with the status of your marital status. I understand the concept of unconditional love, my grandparents always told me that they loved me no matter what, I believed that with every human capability that statement is true. I also have learned that My Father, in Heaven truly loves His children unconditionally. In the past, I have to be honest; I struggled with what having a relationship with the Heavenly Father truly consists of. I understand with my limited understanding, what my ideology of relationship defined is, but I am learning that it is a deep, tangible, liberating relationship that changes with time, and maturity. The concept of loving God and being in love with God is more profound.
Sometimes I find it difficult to be in relationship with Jesus when I can’t see Him, and cannot audibly hear him. It is during those times that I realize I am not spending enough time in the Word. Once I jump back into the pages of the Bible, I feel his presence again; it is a daily thing for me.